Into the Jaws of Self-Doubt Doom…

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To me, doom is the sketchy area under my sink where all the water from the counter drains. It has probably become a subterranean swamp by now, but its too dark to see or I’m too chicken to properly investigate. Call me back please landlord….

“You learned your anxiety like riding a bike, like…learning to type. You learned it and the connections got stronger and stronger. One thought to the next to the next to DOOM. Now, you have to learn something different. When you’re having an anxiety moment, you’re going to have to stop and pull out a different thought from your back pocket. Stop and say, thinking this way is not helping me right now.”

The nice psychologist explains, and I swallow the lump in my throat.

I do, I do get the gist. But friends, do you know what I focused on in that sentence? Haha.

I don’t know how to type. Or ride a bike. I’m afraid to try because it’s been so long that I haven’t learned to do it that I feel like it will never get done. Kind of like my coursework that’s long overdue…

And suddenly, see, I was having an anxiety moment. But how could I interrupt? This lady was imparting her wisdom to me (for a fee..one arm plus one leg).

Before she turns to make the next appointment, she stops and looks at me.

“Does this sound too overwhelming? You look a little unwell.” She asks.

“No it’s just..some of the things you were saying sort of…made me a bit anxious..” I shot her a weak grin.

And of course, that was all the time we had for today, haha.

If you were wondering about my therapy homework, it was gym, yoga, and reconnecting with friends essentially, last week. This week I’ve got something innnnteresting – mapping out those automatic thoughts that I jump through like a frog on lilypads before hopping directly into the snake’s jaws of self-doubting doom. I’m curious, would anyone like to know about mine and how the process of learning to interrupt them pans out? If no one answers I might keep it to myself – I don’t want to be oversharing and making anyone uncomfortable!

– C.

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2 Comments

  1. If you don’t mind, please share! I have anxiety and panic attacks and I’m actually just starting therapy this week so I’m very interested in the whole process! That sounds a little creepy maybe, but if you’re okay with sharing I would be very interested in reading about it. Have a good week 🙂

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