It’s been months since I’ve last written, and I apologize! I find that when too much is going on and changing in terms of my frame of mind, I need to sort of just experience it – and reflect later. Besides that…I don’t know. I come here to write and I want so much to say something worthwhile, to say something uplifting. When everything is too confused in my head, when too much is changing and when the way I see things is changing too much, I just – I don’t want to spread the confusion.
There is a quote I like that I can’t quite remember, about not splaying your emotions carelessly on the paper, I think by Primo Levi. And I really do feel that way – whether to protect myself, to not look like a total fool on the internet, or you – because I do not want to bring anyone reading down, just because I am feeling down.
So. Another year has begun at school. I will be (gulp!) mentoring a younger student with anxiety at my school, as part of a program I have signed up for. It’s so scary yet exciting!
As for my life? Well, of course nothing is perfect. But I am once again taking the one medicine that has ever worked for me in terms of daily pills to tone down anxiety. This has given me the space to fix my sleep schedule, to begin preparing my own food again, make lists, make time for friends and to generally have a better handle on my life. It is not the pills on their own that are improving my quality of life. They do, slightly. But the bigger change is brought about by the positive changes I am able to make in the moments when I once again feel well enough to prepare for and prevent some of the more difficult moments.
PS. Italy was awesome. There were Italy-specific anxiety triggers, interestingly enough. There were also friends, family. cappucinos, gelato, beautiful architecture, a day at the beach, and that magnificent language. Ahhh.