Le Advice from Madam Le Strange

trigger warning: shocking lack of sensitivity with regards to mental health, belittling, questionable figure of authority

From an anxiety/depression group director, when I told her my therapist strongly encouraged me to find additional intensive treatment, and I wondered if she could provide me with any information, being that she is part of the psychiatry department at a major hospital.

I think all you really need is a good YOGA INSTRUCTOR. That should do the trick

As she smiled serenely, and I stared disbelievingly.

You can kiss my downward dog, Madam Le Strange.


…but if you want to pay for me to go on an all-inclusive beach yoga retreat, I will gladly oblige you! 😉 from http://www.self.com/flash/tone-it-up/2013/05/toneitup-work-your-abs-butt-and-chest/





Professor Poop’s Proclamation

trigger warning: speech about extreme violence and suicide, total disregard for human feeling/mental health, classism, racism

After a long talk in Professor Poop’s office, during which he held me responsible for every student that has ever needed a mental health accommodation, and asked me to guess their motivations.

Someone from the Sudan who watches their sister be killed in front of them should have anxiety, NOT YOU.

I mean, you were born in Canada (false)…

But you know what, I’ll give you that extension. Because I don’t want to be responsible for anyone killing themselves. 

Thank you Professor Poop, for that enlightening soliloquy (because let’s be real, you were taking advantage of my presence in your office to vent, plain and simple).

Please go fall down a pit of horse dung.


I mean, you’ll make the best of it, I’m sure. You’ve been given such a bountiful gift of dung, how could you not?


Anxiety or Anger or…?

Is this face anxious or angry. Okay it's angry. Run for your liiiiiiives!

Is this face anxious or angry? Okay it’s angry. Run for your liiiiiiives!

Anxiety or Anger? What is the difference?

Tonight I am wondering if maybe all my life I’ve been so angry it’s incapacitated me, instead of anxious. I know that it’s rarely that simple. Still, maybe anger is a big part of my anxiety. How will I get rid of it?

From what I’m learning, I won’t be getting rid of any part of me any time soon. There is a circuit set up in my brain, of neurons that extend their spindly dendrites all around, a circuit of…strong, unpleasant emotions. Anxiety, doubt, anger, whatever it is  – it’s a loop that’s been played over and over, most likely since I was a little girl.

Perhaps I only allowed all these feelings to manifest outwards as anxiety. Perhaps in a different life circumstance it would have manifested as anger, and then I would have become a skilled female UFC champion instead, haha.

But maybe allowing all the negativity out only as anxiety felt like the safest thing. Maybe I latched onto ‘anxious’, decided to put my feelings there, because then I could keep them safely around me, keep them from ever becoming anything else because to my mind, letting them out in any other way would hurt people around me.

I’ve spent so much of my life trying not to hurt people around me, but in doing that – I think I’ve hurt myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not violent. But that is the problem, isn’t it? I’m violent to myself, in this subtle way, in this anxiety.

I’m going to keep these loops in mind (do I have a choice? Haha).

Oh and as promised, here is one. *TRIGGER WARNING*

Oh, and for the love of God, don’t ever believe any of these things I say to myself! Even reading this makes me shake my head..at myself.

1. I woke up not anxious today – yay!

2. Maybe I’ve been faking anxiety all along, maybe I’m just using it to justify things I do wrong, to avoid responsibility

3. I’m only ever ‘doing it right’ if I’m miserable

4. I don’t deserve for things to go right so why would they?

5. I’m getting anxious

6. I’m wasting time!

7. I want to go to yoga/the gym it would probably help!

8. I can’t, I’m not working hard enough

9. I don’t deserve it

10. I’m going to read some articles on the internet, make my brain go numb awhile, this is a relief

11. I’m wasting time and I can’t stop!