Food, Sleep & Anxiety

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Mmmm soup.

One thing that I am happy to say I learned long ago about anxiety is that it is not to be messed with on an empty stomach – nor even on a stomach full of brownies because as tasty as that is, to your anxiety addled brain, that’s really no kinder. When I can be motivated to do it, I love making healthy colourful soups and stews. When I can’t and I have to order in, I try sticking with healthy stir fry’s or supplementing pizza and such with vegetarian protein like veggie burgers, tofurky, and “chick’n nuggets”. It took me about two confused, bumbling,  malnutritioned years and my hair starting to fall out to realize this one, so if there is anyone this could help, I will say it!!

Please be kind to yourself, mind and body. When thinking about food and exercise, the question, in my humble opinion, should always be, “what is the kindest thing I can do for my body? What will make me feel my best? What can I add to my life? (rather than take away)”. Trying to change eating or activity habits, again in my humble opinion, from a place of shame never never never ends well.
I have been thinking about this because lately, mid-panic attack I have started to see my body in frightening ways. My mind will actually distort my appearance, and I become very ashamed. I’m worried. I do not want to change my lifestyle in response to the sense of shame, to the distorted image I see in the mirror mid-panic attack thanks to the cocktail of hormones that comes with it. I must remember that nothing is as it seems mid-panic attack. Still it haunts me a bit, the way (speaking as a person with no drug-related experiences) a drug user may be haunted by a bad trip – I learned that in 9th grade health class and have no further insight into psychedelic drugs, so I may be completely wrong likening the two, haha.

I had several panic attacks within the context of a nightmare last night. I’m also having trouble with flashbacks from this.

I guess my ending point is simply this – things will unsettle us, especially those of us with anxiety. The best we can do is to make ourselves as resilient to what life throws at us as possible. Eating nutritiously is one simple (and delicious!) tool that I treasure – and want to share.

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Shake it out.

“I am done with my graceless heart – tonight I’m going to cut it out and let it restart.”

It feels like my have been scrubbed with a scrub brush, that feeling you get after a long cry but it isn’t going away. I get chills when it’s warm. Getting motivated has become even more difficult, even to do simple things like grab breakfast.

I’ve had 3 panic attacks in the past 2 days. Yeowch. Apparently this leaves your body pretty depleted.

As I write this, I’m on a bus home. I watch a little red ball cross the street. Cars pass, nudging it. I assume it will get run over, crushed, but it doesn’t, it only bounces higher with each contact.

Soon, miraculously, it is on the other side.

On the curb of a busy gas station.

Surely it will be nudged back into traffic, into its little dance, again.

That doesn’t matter. It hasn’t lost anything. It is still going someplace.

I want to be like that little red ball. I am like the that little red ball. No matter where life takes me, I will bounce back up.